You’ve heard it a million times: horses can sense your emotions.
But here’s what most people don’t tell you—it’s not some mystical sixth sense. It’s biology. Your horse isn’t just reading your body language. Their nervous system is literally syncing with yours.
And that changes everything about how you should approach your rides.
Co-Regulation Is Real (And Measurable)
Scientists call it co-regulation: the process where one nervous system helps regulate another. When you’re around your horse, your heart rhythms, breathing patterns, and stress hormones actually begin to influence each other.
This isn’t woo-woo stuff. Research from the HeartMath Institute has documented physiological synchronization between horses and humans during interactions. When there’s trust and connection, your heart rate variability (HRV)—a key marker of nervous system flexibility—can begin to match.
Studies on equine-assisted therapy have shown measurable changes in cortisol (stress hormone) and oxytocin (bonding hormone) in participants. The calming effect of being around horses isn’t in your head. It’s in your bloodstream.
Your Horse Is a Mirror
Here’s the thing: horses are prey animals. Their survival depends on being exquisitely tuned to the energy and nervous system of everyone around them—including you.
They don’t care what you’re saying. They don’t care what you’re thinking. They’re reading:
- Your breathing pattern
- Your muscle tension
- Your posture
- Micro-movements you’re not even aware of
- The rhythm of your heartbeat
When you walk into the barn carrying stress from work, your horse knows before you’ve touched the halter. When you’re nervous about the canter transition, they feel it in your seat before you give any aid.
This is why the same horse can feel like a dream for one rider and a nightmare for another. It’s not just about skill—it’s about what your nervous system is broadcasting.
The Three States You’re Bringing to the Barn
Understanding your own nervous system state is the first step to changing it. Based on Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, we operate in three primary states:
1. Ventral Vagal (Safety & Connection)
This is where you want to be. In this state, you feel calm but alert. Social engagement is easy. You’re curious, present, and capable of learning. When you’re in ventral vagal, your horse can relax because your body is telling them “we’re safe here.”
2. Sympathetic (Fight or Flight)
Heart racing. Shallow breathing. Tight shoulders. Sound familiar? When you’re in fight-or-flight, your horse picks up on it instantly. They start scanning for the danger you must have seen. Now you’ve got two nervous systems in overdrive.
3. Dorsal Vagal (Freeze/Shutdown)
This is what happens when stress becomes overwhelming—you go numb, disconnect, or feel “checked out.” Some riders mistake this for calm, but horses know the difference. There’s no connection here.
What This Means for Your Training
If your horse is reactive, tight, rushing, or disconnected, the first question shouldn’t be “What’s wrong with my horse?”
It should be: “What state am I in right now?”
I’m not saying it’s always your fault. Horses have their own stuff going on. But your nervous system is the one variable you can actually control.
And here’s the powerful part: just as your stress can amp them up, your calm can bring them down. When you regulate yourself, you give your horse permission to regulate too.
Practical Steps to Regulate Before (and During) Your Ride
1. Check In Before You Mount
Take 60 seconds before you get on. Put your hand on your horse’s neck. Take three slow breaths—longer exhales than inhales. Notice your feet on the ground. This isn’t a luxury; it’s preparation.
2. Breathe With Purpose
Your exhale activates your parasympathetic nervous system. When you’re tense, your breath gets shallow and fast. Consciously slow it down. Your horse will feel the shift.
3. Soften Your Eyes
When we’re stressed, our vision narrows (literally). Practice “soft eyes”—taking in your peripheral vision instead of fixating. This signals safety to your own nervous system and changes what your horse feels from you.
4. Find Your Seat Bones
Tension hides in the hips. When you’re anxious, you grip with your thighs and lock your pelvis. Before asking for anything, consciously release your seat. Let your weight drop. Your horse will start to mirror that softness.
5. Name It to Tame It
If you’re nervous about something—a specific movement, a corner of the arena, the canter—acknowledge it. Say it out loud if you need to. Research shows that naming our emotions actually reduces their intensity.
The Goal Isn’t Perfection
You’re not going to show up perfectly regulated every single ride. Life doesn’t work that way. Some days you’re going to bring stress to the barn, and that’s okay.
The goal is awareness. When you notice you’re tight, rushed, or holding your breath, you have a choice. You can spiral with your horse, or you can take a breath and offer them something different.
That’s the partnership. You help them regulate. Sometimes they help you regulate too. It’s a two-way street.
The Bigger Picture
This is why I’m so passionate about the nervous system piece in training. You can have perfect technique, but if you’re broadcasting tension, your horse is going to reflect it back.
The exercises in my From Stiff to Supple course aren’t just about your horse’s body—they’re about creating moments of genuine connection and relaxation. Because a horse that feels safe with you can actually learn. A horse that’s constantly managing your stress cannot.
Your nervous system isn’t separate from your riding. It is your riding.
Want to dive deeper into creating real softness with your horse? Check out the From Stiff to Supple in 28 Days course—or start with the free lesson to see if it’s right for you.
